


Just because

by Writing_in_SIN



Series: 100 Ways to Say 'I Love You' [24]
Category: Kamen Rider - All Media Types, Kamen Rider Ex-Aid
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Mutual Pining, Parad Needs a Hug, Past Torture, Post-Canon, Pre-Relationship, Soul Bond, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:13:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23856646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Writing_in_SIN/pseuds/Writing_in_SIN
Summary: Parad isn't used to physical contact and at times, he even flinches away from it.
Relationships: Houjou Emu & Parad (Kamen Rider Ex-Aid), Houjou Emu/Parad
Series: 100 Ways to Say 'I Love You' [24]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1538683
Comments: 6
Kudos: 42





	Just because

**Author's Note:**

> If you like, come scream at me on [Tumblr](https://writing-in-sin.tumblr.com) or [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Writing_in_SIN)

* * *

**"Just because."**

* * *

Parad isn't used to physical contact.

Which might come as a surprise for people because he's actually quite tactile with others but when someone tries the same with him, Parad tends to flinch back. It's more of a defense mechanism along with his desire to have some semblance of control.

Too many times, he remembers being strapped down and helpless as Game Over after Game Over was forced upon him on the cold operating slab until he's mostly numb to any sort of pain for the longest time. Granted, he revived after each Game Over but that doesn't mean each one didn't hurt like _**hell**_ earlier on. And well...between being experimented on and conditioned to fight for his life when he's not busy playing his games, Parad suppose that a kind touch isn't something he's used to. It's a bit annoying but, he still tends to flinch whenever someone tries to touch him; especially when it comes as a surprise.

The moment Emu realised that stupid tendency of his, it worried the doctor to no end; thinking and fearing that the reason behind his aversion to touch was because Parad had been hurt in the past.

Okay sure, while it's true that he was experimented on (although, humans might find 'tortured' or 'mutilated' to be a more accurate word) back when New Genome first extracted him from Emu, he wasn't abused like some of the kids under Emu's care (not all kids come from loving families, unfortunately). Although, that fact doesn't reassure Emu one bit. If anything, it actually caused Emu to throw up in the toilets for quite some time before the enraged doctor marches out— hellbent on a warpath against Genm.

And as amusing it is to see Genm walking on eggshells around Emu, he knows first hand that you do _not_ want Houjou Emu on a warpath against you.

Ever.

So he takes pity on the cowering Genm and makes sure that Emu knows that it hadn't been Genm that gave the orders for the experiments and that it was actually Cronus instead— not that Parad _knew_ that until Cronus revealed himself on Chronicle. And as callous Genm can be, the former CEO hadn't personally hurt Parad until _after_ they became enemies.

(Parad is still trying to make sense of his turmoil about killing Genm. While he does feel guilty for basically 'biting the hand that feeds him' and killing a person in general now that he understands what a permanent death really means, it's very complicated when the guy himself actually _likes_ the outcome of his death).

So after he makes sure that Emu doesn't break his Hippocratic oath, the doctor leads them to a private room within CR and has been stewing in his head ever since.

Sitting on the table, he kicks his feet and alternates between playing his game and watching in concern as Emu scowls at the wall in front of him with silent tears streaming down on the intern's face. Parad can feel the bond pulsing with righteous anger, sickening horror and deep sorrow at what he revealed to Emu about his past. To be honest, Parad feels both confused and touched that Emu's been so worried about something like this.

It was years ago after all.

"Parad?"

Pausing from his game, Parad turns to find Emu slumping in his seat and looking very tired. Pocketing the console, he leans forward and rest his elbows on his knees. "Yeah?"

"You mentioned before that even after you escaped New Genome, you're not used to physical contact that are...kind," Emu croaks out, pained and so very sad.

Parad nods. "Pretty much."

"What did you meant by that?" Emu inquires, wiping his bloodshot eyes before trembling hands are clasped tight on top of the doctor's lap.

Shrugging, he leans back on his palms. "I kept to myself a lot; especially since I was an existence that others aren't allowed to know. Mostly, after New Genome, I was either isolated while playing my games or fighting— so I'm not used to touches that are...well, kind, I guess?"

"...Then what about me?"

Parad tilts his head, confused at how pale Emu has become. "What _about_ you, Emu?"

"I'm also one of the people that hurt you," Emu points out, eyes heavy with guilt and looking like he's only seconds away from throwing up again. "Are you okay being near me?"

Snorting, he looks away with a wry smirk. "I've also hurt you too, Emu. I should be asking _you_ that, y'know."

"I like being near you," Emu says firmly before he startles at his words and looks away. "I feel...safe when you're with me."

Tension bleeds out of his shoulders at that admission. "Me too, Emu. More than you know."

"So you don't—"

Parad waits and watches as Emu rubs his face with both hands before sighing and rests them on his lap. For a long moment, Emu clenches and unclenches his hands before raising his head to catch his gaze.

"You don't mind if I touch you?" When he snorts and sends a coy look to the doctor, Emu huffs with a wry twist of his lips. "You know what I mean, Parad."

Cackling, his eyes soften and thinks seriously about his answer. He understands what Emu is asking and he marvels at how kind hearted his friend is. Between the two of them, Parad is the one who had caused the most pain and yet, here they are— Emu asking him if his touch will be welcomed after what happened with Muteki. While he can't deny that the whole ordeal was traumatic, Emu has more than made up for his radical gamble.

And from what he's seen, physical contact hasn't been too much of a problem for them so far after he resurrected. So.

"See for yourself," he offers, closing his eyes and leaning close.

Immediately, he can feel the bond spiking with anxious worry before it's reigned into solemn determination. Slowly, carefully, Parad feels fingers brushing the side of his face and he waits for the usual knee-jerk flinch to a touch he didn't initiate...only to find none.

They both let out a breath.

Eyes fluttering opened, Parad blinks to find a tearful Emu as the doctor trembles. Feeling a burn behind his eyes, Parad carefully places his hand on top of Emu's to press it firmly against his face. In front of him, Emu immediately tenses up and watches him with attentive eyes. Smiling, he nuzzles into Emu's palm and reassures. "If it's you, Emu, then I don't mind at all."

And just like that, he can see a burden being lifted off of Emu's shoulders as the doctor slumps forward to rest their forehead together with a relieved, wretched sob.

"I'm sorry," Emu gasps out, tears falling in rivets as the bond _wails_ with shattering hurt and sorrow for all the pain that was inflicted on him. "I'm so sorry, Parad."

Blinking back tears, Parad sniffs as he closes his eyes and cards his fingers through Emu's hair. "I know, Emu."

Things...become a bit easier after that.

It's a slow progress but gradually, the both of them become more tactile with one another. It teaches them to be more comfortable with each other's presence.

As weeks pass, Parad realises that he's growing more receptive to close contact from others too. From being glomped by Poppy and Nico, shoulder pats from Lazer, and even to the rare tap on the back from either Brave or Snipe. Granted, it always has to be announced in some way or another since Emu went out of his way to advise the others that he doesn't like surprises. Thankfully, the excuse is accepted without much fuss even if he suspects that CR might have an inkling as to the reason behind his aversion to touch, because well, medical personnel, y'know? They were trained to pick up his kind of signs after all. Despite the fact that he can see the concern in their eyes, he's grateful though that they never pried. Their acceptance and kindness are a bit disconcerting at first because the closest thing he had to physical contact was hair ruffles from Graphite. The situation is even more odd because these people used to be his enemies that he had hurt just as much as they did him.

Life really likes to throw curveballs at him, that's for sure.

Still, despite having Emu's reassurance that the doctor likes being in his presence, Parad hadn't been sure if _his_ touch would be welcomed either until Emu himself becomes more tactile with him too. Parad doesn't hesitate much after that and well, considering their connection, Parad is still more receptive to Emu than anyone else. It's a fact that he thinks Emu feels a bit embarrassed about because of how happy it makes the doctor.

Parad on the other hand, just feels relieved and smug.

As time goes on, he learns that kind touches have many forms; a way to comfort, to support, to encourage, to show gratitude. And as far as Parad knows, there's always a reason and an intention. So it throws him off when there are moments when he can't see or figure out the reason _why_.

Unsurprisingly, Emu is behind that.

At times, Emu confuses him because there'd be no logical reason for the doctor to touch him. Parad is used to high fives and fist bumps after a battle, the pats on his shoulders or back as a greeting or when he needs reassurance. Heck, he's even grown used to holding Emu's hand whenever either of them needed the comfort. But there are times when Emu reaches out to him for no apparent reason other than the fact that Parad is _there_ with him— as if his presence alone is enough for Emu to want to seek him out just as much as it is for Parad when it comes to Emu.

He likes that Emu; who usually puts people at arm's length despite being close enough to offer help is willing to reach out to him so often. He feels incredibly humbled that he's one of the people Emu is allowing himself to believe that it's okay to hold onto without fearing them leaving.

More than anything, Parad likes it that he's allowed to touch _back_.

So he doesn't ask the reason why there are times when he's suddenly pressed shoulder to hip as Emu settles beside him despite there being other places he can sit, or when Emu feels playful and jumps onto his back; because Parad likes to do all of those things in return for no apparent reason other than—

"Eh?"

Emu's hugging him.

...that's new. Sorta.

True, there was that instance when Emu hugged him after his resurrection but at the time, Parad was too busy trying not to flinch and push his friend away at what he initially thought to be an attack.

Now though, he can at least recognise that he's not in any danger. In fact, it's actually pretty...nice. Awkward and clumsy though, but it's also warm and familiar in a way where he knows that it can only be that way because it's _Emu_. At first, he stiffens at the unexpected contact before relaxing in Emu's hold and returns the hug.

"Why are we hugging?" Parad murmurs, burying his nose into Emu's hair.

Emu smiles, nuzzling into Parad's neck. "Just because."

"Just because, huh?" Parad chuckles as he tightens the hug. "So all of those times when there's no reason for you to touch me is—"

"Just because," Emu finishes, tilting his head up to rest his chin on Parad's collarbone with a sweet if hesitant smile. "...is that okay?"

Here in the arms of the most important person in his life, Parad is lost in a warmth and love and forgiveness he has never deserved, but will do his damnest to make sure it won't be in vain.

"More than," he reassures, bumping his nose with Emu's. "I like it."

Smile widening until Emu is practically beaming at him, the intern squeezes his middle. "Me too."

Touching; whether there's a reason for it or not, never becomes a problem for them after that.


End file.
